I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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