I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
