She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
