Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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