Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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