someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
