He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
