You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
