Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
