Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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