Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
