You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
