sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
