so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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