The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
