i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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