...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I still have a little drunk in my system
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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