He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
