I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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