If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
