A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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