3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
