dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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