She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
