I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
