im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
