mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
