watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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