I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
