Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
