After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
