I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
