plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
