this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
