if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
