she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
