Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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