Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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