Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
