I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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