Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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