so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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