okay pat passed out under dana's car
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
