Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
