I've blown a few things in my day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
