No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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