Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jerry, you need to find god
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
