I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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