I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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