im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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