dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
