You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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