Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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