she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
