We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
