Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
