FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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