I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
