so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
