I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
