im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
